There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How's work?
Spinning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
