KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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