you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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