hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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