It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
