I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
