I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
