Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
