have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
