I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
