Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
