Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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