I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
