Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.