Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bring money and cleavage
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize