Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
