Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?