im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same