dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.