Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...