I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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