He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
