K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
