You're my little dorito
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
