it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
