Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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