I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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