Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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