i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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