Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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