just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
