We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
