69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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