I am in a vortex of obligation.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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