I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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