theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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