I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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