Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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