just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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