you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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