Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You need Xanax blowdarts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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