I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize