At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
