I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
