sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
