You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
