It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
