i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
