the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
