Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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