Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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