if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
