Can i not drive my cunt home
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
