let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
