Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
