I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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