I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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