Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
