The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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