Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
