First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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