He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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