the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
