You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
