Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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