that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
